Everything seems to be a little harder now. Not only are there more difficulties than what there were before but there are no distractions to keep me from them.
When I was in the seminar house I had 10 other girls who were awesome. Even if it was just going to the super market three would come and you'd always have company. Now I do everything alone.
My host family is really nice, and everything is fine, truly, but it's really lonely here. I can't speak to anyone, they don't know enough english and I don't know enough Japanese. And since I'm the minority I come upstairs for dinner, say the 20 words I know rearranged as best I can to say I like something, don't like something, want something, or ask what something is, then sit quietly. I'm a very talkitive person, and not having anyone to speak with I'm finding is very difficult for me. And with the internet at the apaerment dead right now because the router died when I come home I have no one to talk to other than e-mails on my cell. I know some would argue it's good for me in a way to sit quietly and listen, but it doesn't help the lonelyness. I just feel like another body in the room, I can't bond with these people because I can't even communicate with them. I wash the dishes from dinner, take my shower, go downstairs and go to bed. And no matter how much I sleep every day I still feel tired in the morning. I know I asked for this, but I can't help but think right now that I bit off more than I can chew in this regard. Plus I'm so far from the friends I've made and the people I know that it's not like I can walk 10 minutes down the road and see them. I have to plan days in advance like a daytrip. It's like I'm by myself on my own little island.
It's not helping too right now that I tried riding a bike to school today. My host mom was very insitant and I agreed, and then found out as she was sending me off with the bike that no helmit was involved, that was the first mistake. Then the apartment is at the top of a very steep hill, I tried it, and crashed, my second mistake. As I'm trying to manage the streets I try to swerve to avoid someone and run into a short wall and crash another time. I end up walking half the way anyways, because the hills are too steep for me to ride up or down. There are also these short posts in the middle of the sidewalk, which make no sense, but I ran the bike into one of those too... But I make it to school on time... Then after class I thought I'd run to the store because as I was leaving okasan said the brake pads needed to be replaced because they squeal loudly (which they do). As I'm going along all of a sudden to other bikers come out of the side ally I try to swerve to miss them and end up crashing into some nice old lady's flower pots. I didn't brake anything and she seemed more worried about me then her tiny garden, which was a relief that she wasn't mad.... So I head back to campus, then begin to head back home. I'm riding on the sidewalk and as I'm wondering why it's so hard I realize that the front tire is so low on air it's almost flat. So, I walk, an hour and 15 minutes, pushing my bike, the whole way home. My right shin is brused baddly from wacking into foot pedal and I hurt pretty much all over. For short distances I'm thinking a bike is a must. But for long distances and people who don't know how to bike on hills, I'm thinking it's not a good idea... I'm taking the bus tomorrow....
The only internet I can get right now is upstairs, so I'm sitting at the kitchen table, but no one is home... It's like, I can't even stay with the people I can bond with, because I gotta go home, but then home is lonely and sad. They should have a new router by Saturday...
I'm eating... Shrimp flavored, crunchy, potato things... There are no normal snack foods in Japan!
Pottery was good today though, I threw some big udon bowls and soup bowls and a mug. I also went through about double the clay than I needed, but that was the high point of my day, I have class again tomorrow thankfully. Someone in my pottery class though had the bright idea to talk about all the foods they missed... and right now I'm craving Papa Johns Pizza, Nachos made with Tostidos Chips, tortellini, olive garden salad....
Maybe I'm just a bit homesick? Maybe I'm just tired... but everything seems a lot harder now, and I can't wait for it to be like orientation week again, when everything was exciting and fun...
P.S.
Thanks everyone for the comments, I appreciate it.
P.S.S.
Hi Grandpa!! Love you!!!
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Claire, sweet girl. Your visit is too short yet too long for you to be so miserable. This was not the purpose of your trip. You went to Japan to learn the language, which you clearly will not living in a silent house, and also to have a wonderful time, which you can only have with people your own age to explore the surroundings and then share your day with at the day's end. Please, I'm not your mother, but I love you so much and I am putting in my request that you return to the dorm you started out in. You were with a wonderfully diverse group with young women who spoke fluent enough Japanese to help you and you will learn from your excursions out into the Osaka streets and other cities you will visit. You should not be someplace where you will feel the lonliness and isolation you are experiencing now. That is not a healthy environment for a loving, sociable, talkative, adventuresome young woman. You live too far away and clearly the bike is not the way to go!!! Mummy Betsy is begging you to reconsider and sweetly explain that you are missing your new friends and that it too far away from the campus and puts a burden on your busy schedule. Claire, you need people and you need people your own age who you can talk , share, and laugh with. Please get out of there. As a favor to me....please go back to the campus where you belong. I'm very worried about you and I want you to have the best experience you can while you are there and I don't think staying with your host family, no matter how sweet they may be, is going to help you achieve all you can achieve and have the wonderful experience that you deserve. This is your time in Japan....it will only come once...and you need to put yourself first and don't try to go the hardest route possible. Please go back to the dorm where you can be happy and still learn the Japanese language. I love you so much....I want you to be happy and have a fantastic semester. Let me know your address at the school or wherever you get your mail so I can send you a "care" package. I love you, sweetie. xoxoxox
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